I met up with an
experienced author last night because I thought he might have some
interesting things to say. (And, I suppose, being of about equal though
slightly different professional experience, I assumed that as a
colleague he might be interested in listening to me too.)
On the rare occasions he allowed me to speak (aka get a word in edgewise), within two seconds of me starting to speak, he either checked his phone, or covered his face with his hand. Every. Single. Time.
That became fairly traumatic after a short while, especially the covering-face-with-hand thing. He was showing clearly that he was blocking whatever I might have to say. Not interested, for whatever reason.
Anyway, I thought, what a great lesson to remember to be present listeners ourselves. Keep an open body language. Put your phone away off the table to respect the other person.
Immediately before I met up with that guy, I had met up with a study group for a book and some excellent discussion.
I was the only idiot who checked my phone (once in the two hours, and I was aware how inappropriate my addiction was). In a group of 10 or 12 people, everybody actively listened to whoever was speaking.
Open body language, eyes on the speaker, listening. It was so pleasant. What a different impression of oneself you get when you are listened to. And how fun it is to be listened to, and to be around other people who are listening to each other!
One man in the group -- you know the kind, those people who just seem to emit wisdom while sitting still -- spoke about emptying yourself of everything but listening, while you are listening. About how much peace that creates, and what a different experience it is.
I realize that's true, too. My enjoyment of listening to another -- even to that guy who wouldn't listen to me -- was much more for myself because my phone was in my bag and I had set aside that time to simply be present.
I know this is a stereotype of authors -- really self-focussed. I do not know if that stereotype is true, certainly not for all of them, but I have a question I would love answered:
If you have run into other people like that, who talk so much that it's hard to steer the topic, how do you still make the conversation that you need to have, happen?
On the rare occasions he allowed me to speak (aka get a word in edgewise), within two seconds of me starting to speak, he either checked his phone, or covered his face with his hand. Every. Single. Time.
That became fairly traumatic after a short while, especially the covering-face-with-hand thing. He was showing clearly that he was blocking whatever I might have to say. Not interested, for whatever reason.
Anyway, I thought, what a great lesson to remember to be present listeners ourselves. Keep an open body language. Put your phone away off the table to respect the other person.
Immediately before I met up with that guy, I had met up with a study group for a book and some excellent discussion.
I was the only idiot who checked my phone (once in the two hours, and I was aware how inappropriate my addiction was). In a group of 10 or 12 people, everybody actively listened to whoever was speaking.
Open body language, eyes on the speaker, listening. It was so pleasant. What a different impression of oneself you get when you are listened to. And how fun it is to be listened to, and to be around other people who are listening to each other!
One man in the group -- you know the kind, those people who just seem to emit wisdom while sitting still -- spoke about emptying yourself of everything but listening, while you are listening. About how much peace that creates, and what a different experience it is.
I realize that's true, too. My enjoyment of listening to another -- even to that guy who wouldn't listen to me -- was much more for myself because my phone was in my bag and I had set aside that time to simply be present.
I know this is a stereotype of authors -- really self-focussed. I do not know if that stereotype is true, certainly not for all of them, but I have a question I would love answered:
If you have run into other people like that, who talk so much that it's hard to steer the topic, how do you still make the conversation that you need to have, happen?
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