I can almost guarantee you that all your favourite older people have
this one trait in common. Your favourite bosses. Your favourite senior
citizens. Your favourite family members. (Please let me know if the
comments if I am right about that or not -- I'd love the feedback.)
What is it?
These people are encouragers.
It’s pretty simple to adopt this trait. It’s a habit that you can decide to develop, and start doing right away. Whether you’re at the top of your company, or you just want better relations with your family, this habit will make life better. Money-back guarantee.
Have I convinced you yet? Well, here’s how to do it. Do you have ways to do it that I have not included? Please share them in the comments below!
Five Tips to Becoming a Great Encourager
1. Never miss an opportunity to say, “Wow, I’m amazed by you.”
People almost never say this. They really should. Every time you think it, decide to have the guts to say it, out loud. Or, even better, write a card as a lasting memory of the accomplishment.
Tell your kids that you’re proud of their accomplishments. It won’t spoil them. It will just teach them to share that joy with others (make sure you encourage them to share that behaviour with others – the lesson could be as simple as “is there anything that makes you are proud of me?” – make it two-way, and teach them to start thinking of reasons to praise and thank others. It’s one of the best life-success lessons you can possibly teach them. More important than high grades, more important than success in sports).
Tell people when they are impressive! Really, do be brave enough to say it out loud. Whether someone made a good speech, took a good initiative, or simply looks good today, people need to hear it. Say it.
People treasure thank you and congratulations cards. They may even display them on their desk or in their cubicle.
Another way to be an encourager – ask someone about that thank you card on their desk! What was it for? Give them a chance to tell you about their success.
2. Realize that it’s lonely at the top.
Do not assume that people tell the awesome people that they’re awesome. Do not assume that because they’re earning a pile of money, they know. In actual fact, awesome top people often get ignored while everyone else is heading out for a drink after the seminar. I mean the speakers at the sessions, the top people in companies, the people you really want to talk to. They’re the ones who end up with nobody to talk to. Hello, career advancement opportunities. (Read more in the examples below.)
Unfortunately, the typical reaction to a successful person in our society is either envy and fear, or a sycophantic sucking-up. Don’t be that person.
Instead, be the person who has enough compassion and intelligence and self-confidence to treat the really awesome people like they’re just like you – and maybe they are. If you’re wise enough to encourage those at the top, they’re likely to encourage you right back. And if you can do that, you’re also the kind of person who will make it to the top – if you want to.
3. Never miss a chance to say “thank you.”
Essential. Thank you is another word that too many people are too lazy to say these days. Thank your cashier, the storekeeper, your child’s teacher, your underlings, the people who mentor you at work. People who do things for you, and people who do things for other people. Just thank everyone! It makes people feel good to receive acknowledgment for what they’ve done.
And don’t only say thank you. Also take the time and extra sentence to praise some aspect of the job that they did. Even better than “thanks for bringing the cookies to our group today,” say “thank you for bringing the cookies to our group today. They were really delicious.” Or, if you didn’t find them delicious, then you could say, “I could see so many of the group members enjoying them.”
Be creative with your praise. You have got a good brain. If you want to get ahead, then use it. Think up praiseworthy elements of others’ performance and tell them about them!
If you’re going to tell me something lame like “oh, I’m not creative,” then fine. Stay in your lowly position. Or, re-think that. Who said that you’re not creative? Some unencouraging person? Dismiss them from your mind forevermore. You have plenty of time to develop your creativity. Instead of zoning out, why not spend your time on public transit looking at total strangers and dreaming up what you might praise them about. Once you get into this habit, it will come more naturally to you.
Another really good place to slip in “thank you” is in e-mails. It changes the whole tone of the e-mail for the better.
4. Respond.
You know all those e-mails that you have sent that seemingly went into the ether? You sent out a proposed idea to your team, and nobody responded? Or you sent out a proposed time/place, and everybody just assumed that you knew that they agreed or that they were busy?
Don’t be one of those assumers. It’s horrible to send out an e-mail and have nobody respond. Take the time to say “thanks, Bob, for taking the initiative here. I’ll make time to be there as you suggest.” Or, even, say “thanks, Bob, for taking the initiative here. I won’t be able to make it on Wednesday due to a prior commitment, but I admire what you are doing and your commitment to our team. Thanks.”
The non-responding silent people aren’t doing a single thing to make the world a better place. And they’re not moving up in their job, or improving the office, community, or family atmosphere with that attitude, either.
Also really easy to do: respond to Facebook and LinkedIn posts. It’s such an easy way to give small snippets of praise. And every time you write a positive and encouraging comment to someone in social media, every other person who reads that thread gets an impression of you as an encourager – someone they want to know. Because we all need and want more encouragers in our lives, whether we have defined that for ourselves or not, we do want it.
5. Show up.
Here’s another easy bit of low-hanging fruit. People these days sit at their desks surfing Facebook, or sort of thoughtlessly wander off somewhere else during lunch hour, when someone in the office takes the time to put something together at lunch.
Show up. Listen to their presentation. Or daydream instead of listening the whole time. But show up. The presence of your body affirms their being there and making the effort. And your presence gets noticed, too. Other people in the office who are encouragers will be there. And they’ll notice that you’re there.
Not to mention – if you are there, you might learn something. It could be something from the presenter, or it might be something from the other people there. Just show up. The people who are ignoring this person’s initiative and toodled off to the food fair as they usually do at lunch with the same old social group aren’t learning anything new, you can bet on that.
Even better, show up, listen actively, and ask questions. Take the time to praise them afterwards. You'll be glad you did.
What is it?
These people are encouragers.
It’s pretty simple to adopt this trait. It’s a habit that you can decide to develop, and start doing right away. Whether you’re at the top of your company, or you just want better relations with your family, this habit will make life better. Money-back guarantee.
- You will become more popular.
- You will be more respected by your peers (not least, because they will perceive that you respect them more).
- People will pick you first when they are drawing together a team.
- People will never hesitate to recommend you when an opportunity comes up.
- The people who work for you will work better, faster, smarter, happier, more engaged and committed.
- You will be a better friend, spouse, parent, leader.
Have I convinced you yet? Well, here’s how to do it. Do you have ways to do it that I have not included? Please share them in the comments below!
Five Tips to Becoming a Great Encourager
1. Never miss an opportunity to say, “Wow, I’m amazed by you.”
People almost never say this. They really should. Every time you think it, decide to have the guts to say it, out loud. Or, even better, write a card as a lasting memory of the accomplishment.
Tell your kids that you’re proud of their accomplishments. It won’t spoil them. It will just teach them to share that joy with others (make sure you encourage them to share that behaviour with others – the lesson could be as simple as “is there anything that makes you are proud of me?” – make it two-way, and teach them to start thinking of reasons to praise and thank others. It’s one of the best life-success lessons you can possibly teach them. More important than high grades, more important than success in sports).
Tell people when they are impressive! Really, do be brave enough to say it out loud. Whether someone made a good speech, took a good initiative, or simply looks good today, people need to hear it. Say it.
People treasure thank you and congratulations cards. They may even display them on their desk or in their cubicle.
Another way to be an encourager – ask someone about that thank you card on their desk! What was it for? Give them a chance to tell you about their success.
2. Realize that it’s lonely at the top.
Do not assume that people tell the awesome people that they’re awesome. Do not assume that because they’re earning a pile of money, they know. In actual fact, awesome top people often get ignored while everyone else is heading out for a drink after the seminar. I mean the speakers at the sessions, the top people in companies, the people you really want to talk to. They’re the ones who end up with nobody to talk to. Hello, career advancement opportunities. (Read more in the examples below.)
Unfortunately, the typical reaction to a successful person in our society is either envy and fear, or a sycophantic sucking-up. Don’t be that person.
Instead, be the person who has enough compassion and intelligence and self-confidence to treat the really awesome people like they’re just like you – and maybe they are. If you’re wise enough to encourage those at the top, they’re likely to encourage you right back. And if you can do that, you’re also the kind of person who will make it to the top – if you want to.
3. Never miss a chance to say “thank you.”
Essential. Thank you is another word that too many people are too lazy to say these days. Thank your cashier, the storekeeper, your child’s teacher, your underlings, the people who mentor you at work. People who do things for you, and people who do things for other people. Just thank everyone! It makes people feel good to receive acknowledgment for what they’ve done.
And don’t only say thank you. Also take the time and extra sentence to praise some aspect of the job that they did. Even better than “thanks for bringing the cookies to our group today,” say “thank you for bringing the cookies to our group today. They were really delicious.” Or, if you didn’t find them delicious, then you could say, “I could see so many of the group members enjoying them.”
Be creative with your praise. You have got a good brain. If you want to get ahead, then use it. Think up praiseworthy elements of others’ performance and tell them about them!
If you’re going to tell me something lame like “oh, I’m not creative,” then fine. Stay in your lowly position. Or, re-think that. Who said that you’re not creative? Some unencouraging person? Dismiss them from your mind forevermore. You have plenty of time to develop your creativity. Instead of zoning out, why not spend your time on public transit looking at total strangers and dreaming up what you might praise them about. Once you get into this habit, it will come more naturally to you.
Another really good place to slip in “thank you” is in e-mails. It changes the whole tone of the e-mail for the better.
4. Respond.
You know all those e-mails that you have sent that seemingly went into the ether? You sent out a proposed idea to your team, and nobody responded? Or you sent out a proposed time/place, and everybody just assumed that you knew that they agreed or that they were busy?
Don’t be one of those assumers. It’s horrible to send out an e-mail and have nobody respond. Take the time to say “thanks, Bob, for taking the initiative here. I’ll make time to be there as you suggest.” Or, even, say “thanks, Bob, for taking the initiative here. I won’t be able to make it on Wednesday due to a prior commitment, but I admire what you are doing and your commitment to our team. Thanks.”
The non-responding silent people aren’t doing a single thing to make the world a better place. And they’re not moving up in their job, or improving the office, community, or family atmosphere with that attitude, either.
Also really easy to do: respond to Facebook and LinkedIn posts. It’s such an easy way to give small snippets of praise. And every time you write a positive and encouraging comment to someone in social media, every other person who reads that thread gets an impression of you as an encourager – someone they want to know. Because we all need and want more encouragers in our lives, whether we have defined that for ourselves or not, we do want it.
5. Show up.
Here’s another easy bit of low-hanging fruit. People these days sit at their desks surfing Facebook, or sort of thoughtlessly wander off somewhere else during lunch hour, when someone in the office takes the time to put something together at lunch.
Show up. Listen to their presentation. Or daydream instead of listening the whole time. But show up. The presence of your body affirms their being there and making the effort. And your presence gets noticed, too. Other people in the office who are encouragers will be there. And they’ll notice that you’re there.
Not to mention – if you are there, you might learn something. It could be something from the presenter, or it might be something from the other people there. Just show up. The people who are ignoring this person’s initiative and toodled off to the food fair as they usually do at lunch with the same old social group aren’t learning anything new, you can bet on that.
Even better, show up, listen actively, and ask questions. Take the time to praise them afterwards. You'll be glad you did.
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